The Mother Marketer: balancing a marketing career and motherhood.

My little guy started first grade last week(!) and leading up to it I have been thinking about this summer and its uniqueness. For the first time since he was born, I got to spend real quality time with my son and he had a summer full of awesome experiences. Really, this kid got to do A LOT.

As a mom balancing a job search with being a chauffer, personal shopper, coach, and semi-FT caregiver, I learned a lot as a professional, as an individual, and very much as a parent. Let’s dive in below.

Connection
My son and I really connected over the summer. He’s very much into dad and doing what dad does and going where dad goes. It’s great, but for the past two months I have been his daily companion, and we’ve deepened our bond. From baseball and soccer camps to learning how to ice skate and prepare for ice hockey, water parks, pools and beaches, voting and lunch outings and days at the park, there has been no shortage of activities. Boy does this kid love to go, go, go. It has been a lesson for me as a parent to teach him about balance and not expecting that every day will be an exciting adventure. It’s important for kids to have downtime to rest their bodies and their minds. Making time for rest and independent play during the days was definitely a challenge for both of us. I needed the rest and while his body needed the rest, his mind was hell-bent on getting as much play time as possible. I will also note that this week has brought some really big emotions and we are working through them together.

Time Management
Second, I learned so, so much about time management and the importance of structure. I’m not going to sugar-coat it, I failed epically when it came to creating a daily routine this summer. While I enjoyed the extra time with my son, the lack of routine threw me, and all of us, way off.

As a parent, the biggest struggle I face currently, outside of raising a sassy (just-turned) four-year-old with what we like to call “leadership skills” – aka the most strong-willed child I have ever laid eyes on, is sleep, or the lack thereof. Since becoming a mom, my sleep has taken a hit and has never recovered. We’ve gone through two beds and headed toward our third, I’ve tried meditating, new pillows, safe sleep aids, and it just comes down to the fact that the reason I don’t sleep is because I have two littles who don’t value sleep for all the glory that it is. It takes an act of God to get my daughter to fall asleep, and another for her to sleep through the night.

This goes without saying, but mornings are tough and I cannot pull myself out of bed before 6:30-7am. By then my husband is on his way out the door. On most weeks without camp we putt around and get to my daughter’s preschool around 8:30am. I would love to be a morning person who wakes up at 5:30am before everyone else, gets a morning workout in, does some early morning writing over a hot cup of coffee in silence, but alas, that definitely won’t be happening for a while. College maybe? I digress…

While I didn’t have a FT job, I wasn’t a full SAHM. I was balancing job applications, interviews, trainings, networking and ultimately landing a consulting gig. Without structure, it was a true balancing act and I oftentimes found myself exhausted by the end of the day while also feeling my kids escalating at the same time. This week has felt so good to have a routine in place and while the kids are still settling in, I think we’ll do well this school year.

Boundaries and Resources
A few things I implemented to help alleviate the chaos was instilling boundaries around television and screen time. In the mornings we don’t watch tv unless it’s a weekend and we don’t have somewhere to be. Life without the tv has been glorious. It forces conversation and engagement that you just don’t get when the tv is on.

Second is no tv at dinner. There’s some wiggle room on this one because on late nights after sports we are just surviving until bedtime, a little tv is fine. But overall, we’ve limited screens and I can tell a HUGE difference. I also try not to give the kids my phone or an iPad in the car or when we are out unless it’s a dire emergency and a stage five meltdown is starting to happen. But even then I try to take the kids outside and let them cool down or draw with them or whatever it takes.

Before heading off to school Monday morning, I could tell my son was feeling anxious, and I knew that after we dropped sister off at preschool he wanted to come watch tv before school. Instead, I asked him to take the dogs on a walk with me. We did and it was quiet and peaceful and he went to school with a clear mind.

Even while we didn’t have somewhere to be each morning, starting the day without a defined purpose felt uneasy. I’ve always used lists and have reimplemented those and I printed out a daily/weekly/monthly household chore list to help eliminate the thinking behind simple chores. I despise cleaning. I especially despise cleaning after not only myself, but three other humans and two dogs. The laundry itself is relentless. I refer to the pile of clothes waiting to be folded on the couch as Mt. Clothesmore. I cannot stay on top of ALL THE THINGS. Trying to tackle an entire house full of chores gets extremely overwhelming and ultimately counterproductive, so breaking it down in smaller chunks does help.

I also started putting my trusty calendar app to good use. I envy those who have their lives scheduled down to the hour each day. I strive to be that detailed someday, but I’m making small strides today. I’ve started scheduling as much as I can in my family calendar and then sharing those details with my husband more frequently to ensure I’m not running around like a mad woman. It has helped as well. I also just ordered this trusty calendar that goes on the fridge (which is currently 20% off) and so far I like it. Goals are to schedule my days and weeks out a little further at a time. We do this at work, why wouldn’t I do this in my personal life?

Mom Guilt and Self Pressure
One thing I really struggled with this summer was feeling guilty about my situation. It’s always on my mind. When I’d get turned down for a job I would feel like a failure to my family, and it sometimes showed. I’ve also been working with a mentor through this search and we had a very candid and direct conversation. She told me to give myself some grace. I’m raising an almost-seven-year-old and a very determined four-year old while managing a house and looking for work. I’m doing what I can with what I have. And what I do have is support. I’ve been fortunate to have someone support me and our family the way my husband does. Sometimes I forget about that, but the reality is I’ve been fortunate enough to get to have the freedom I did.

Now that school’s back in session it’s time to hit it hard. All the networking I’ve been doing is going to pay off. I’ve met some amazing people lately and had some really great conversations. Now it’s time to put all that to work.

If you’re going through a job search right now, know that IT IS HARD. We are in a very weird job market, especially in marketing. And if you’re a mom balancing a household while searching, know that you’ve got this. You’re strong and determined and your time will come. Be patient. Be bold. and Be You. And don’t forget to have a little fun. Take some time to yourself.